The autumn equinox energetically is the exhale of the year. It’s surrender. Late summer transitions in September and an inevitable letting go begins.
The transition from summer to fall feels good, feels right, and we all know it’s coming. Yes, some regions are warmer than others for longer, some trees’ leaves change more vibrant than others, but Autumn comes just the same. We have rituals around the season, color, decor, foods, scents, and sounds, and there’s comfort in all of that. Autumn descends, welcoming winter before the end of the year.
Life itself is like this cycle. Every human born will depart. Some of our seasons are longer and some shorter, but there will be winter for us all. We know that, but how can we prepare well for this reality?
I recently took a poll in my Instagram stories asking my followers who had a will and end-of-life directive. The majority had none. The majority that took my poll had children and assets and a whole lot of life that, in their unexpected passing, would be quite burdensome on loved ones to sort amongst the emotions and grief.
I write this without any judgment - I was this person too. I had been married for 15 years with two children and multiple businesses before I experienced my first death or wrote out a will. My lack of action was out of fear, fear of the unknown. But what I’ve discovered is that it’s all more simple than one may think, and there is no time like the present to have a death positive conversation and begin.
Autumn is a time of turning within when our efforts seem directed toward work, family, and unfinished projects. Autumn is a perfect time to prepare directives for our inevitable ending.
BEGIN:
If you have feels about beginning your end-of-life planning process, follow this guided breathwork audio to help you center.
Next, download my free End of Life Planner to begin compiling valuable data in minutes.
Finally, click here and bookmark this end-of-life planning resource from Going With Grace, my death doula educators. When you’re ready, this link will be here to serve you.
I’m not an expert on dying and death. I’m very green when it comes to this season of our human experience. However, I was born to hold space for others. I’ve known this since childhood, and it’s what’s compelled me to teach asana for so many years. Becoming a death doula is a chapter of me I’ll be sharing with you each step of the way. Please post your comment, message me your questions, share this post, planner, and anything else thejesswell can offer with others.
20 years ago today, I gave birth to a fair-skinned ginger-haired little boy. Although I’m only ½ Mexican, I expected an olive-skinned baby with lots of soft black hair, so this blue-eyed cherub was quite a surprise. Over the years, I’ve been asked if I colored his hair because of its beautiful strawberry blonde and amber hues, to which I laughed because I barely brush my own hair, let alone highlight the hair of my child.
If you’ve followed me over the years via Facebook & Insta, I’ve shared quite a bit behind the scenes of our lives. You’ve seen my boys grow and grow into their own, and now Josh and I find ourselves in the throws of empty nesting. A few years ago, the thought about this time and when it would come was harder than its now gradual actuality. I suppose, unlike the stereotypical scenario that’s played out over the media about teenagers, parents, and the peacing out that takes place as soon as the senior graduation bell rings, all four of us as a family really respect and enjoy each others company. We have our roles as parents and children, but we are also friends.
I’m no expert, as I only have two children and 4 godchildren of my own, but this is what’s worked relationally as a mother and for Josh and I both as parents. Below are a few things we decided on 20 years ago that have helped build our relationships with our 17 & 20-year-old sons today.
1. Do Everything Together:
This was a happy surprise out of necessity. In the early days, not living by our immediate family for support and being of meager means a sitter for any extra outing was out of the question. But living life full never was. We’d find creative ways to always include our kids in our activities and likewise us with theirs. This organically created empathy understanding articulate and extremely adaptable boys.
2. Watch, Listen, Learn:
I never wanted to overfill their schedule, but I wanted to nurture their interests. Instead of forcing ideas on them, we’d expose them to sport, art, and culture and see where their interests leaned. I always knew if they were dressed and ready to go to an extracurricular activity on their own, that is where we would invest our energy. We championed and found joy in their interests, watching them grow and flourish.
3. Everything is a Conversation:
From our own upbringing, we learned that respect is earned both ways. Josh and I made and make it a point to understand and really listen. Staying curious has been a cornerstone.
4. Personal Growth:
We knew we needed to stay fresh to keep life exciting because if you’re not growing, you’re dying. With change, we do our best to lean into the learning when stuck seeking a teacher until we gain insight. Also, living within the liturgical life of the Orthodox church has helped us create the rhythm of life that stretches and strengthens us, mediating the days between feasting and fasting and the polarities that life brings.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list, just a few things I’m reflecting on as our son Julian makes his solar return, and if you’re not familiar with that term, it’s just fancy for birthday.
If you’re reading this on your solar return, have one on the horizon, or know someone who does, you may like this roller blend just for the occasion.
Solar Return Roller
10 drops Valor
10 Drops Stress Away
10 drops Orange
Top with Carrier Oil
Roll on the bottoms of feet, spine, and places where the sun don’t shine.
( this is because orange is a photosensitive oil)
This blend evokes confidence, calm, and courage for the many years ahead. You can also use it before bed because it will help you rest really well.
Click here for your free roller label download.
For an affordable, thoughtful, and energetic gift, pre-make, and give to the ones you love.
If you don’t have these oils, you can grab them in a bundle here.
Have you had a day, a week, a month, a year, or years where you don’t feel the way you want to? 20 years ago, I thought something was very wrong with me. I was not feeling like myself; my thoughts were unwanted but very real, and I’m sure someone reading this can relate to a similar situation.
I was 24 years old, had just moved to a tiny town, weeks postpartum from having my first baby by emergency C section. I was highly unprepared and completely overwhelmed by what was about to happen.
Up until the birth of my first son, I didn’t have a reference for most physical struggles, let alone mental health struggles; I hadn’t had any extreme illnesses growing up or surgery. As far as a lifestyle, I wasn’t raised on fast food or dining out, and my mother wasn’t super keen on medication as a first reach. Even in my teenage years, the party life wasn’t for me. I was naive, and my system was pretty clean, but on August 8th & August 9th, 2001, for the first time in my life, I was pumped full of drugs, cut open, handed a baby, and sent home to go live my best life a couple of days later.
Almost immediately, I realized I didn’t feel how I thought I would feel, in fact, the opposite. I wanted to be happy, but all I could do was cry. I wanted to cherish my time with my little one but visions of the unthinkable would haunt me.
I can see so clearly now the kind of support 24-year-old Jessica needed, and I have a lot of compassion for her because that was mentally one of the most challenging times in my life.
Because of fear and shame, I didn’t want to tell anyone how I was feeling. If you are reading and relating to this without support or a therapist, please get help here.
Glory to God, a month or so after my son was born, Oprah had a special episode on her show interviewing mothers and a doctor educating on the stages of postpartum depression and what it can look like. I reflect on that episode as the beginning of my healing journey and interest in the healing arts. Because of that episode, I found peace that what I was experiencing, although not easy, is common and that there were ways to get help and ways to prevent it. From that point on, I became aware that the gut-brain connection impacts mental health, that food can be poison or medicine, that eliminating harsh chemicals would lessen the toxin overload to keep hormones in harmony. I started with exercise and sweating, eating clean, eliminating inflammatory foods, getting the correct about of fats and protein, replacing my household cleaners and personal care items.
If you are planning a family, pregnant, postnatal, or mid-life, it’s not too late to become the gatekeeper of your body, mind, spirit, and abode. This Summer, you can still take steps to eliminate the harsh chemicals from your life and replace them with plant-based alternatives. Click here for a few ideas that can help meet you where you may be right now.
Some of you, my sweet friends, have been on this healing journey with me for many moons. 12- ish moons, to be exact. In the Deep Ellum Days, we loved a good yoga flow to Bon Iver, Washed Out, or Beach House. We were a group of hipsters, artists, and young professionals in our 20’s - early 30’s most without offspring, just trying to live our best lives.
I’ve been able to keep up with many of y’all through the years because of the social networks, and I’ve seen your seasons—endeavors, struggles, engagements, celebrations, many have gotten married, had babies, adopted, gone through a divorce, and experienced heartbreak and loss. I only know what you show and what the algorithm shows me, but from what I see, I want you to know you’re not alone. You’ve always been a big piece of me and stay in my prayers.
Yesterday I shared some older affirmations in my Instagram stories with a poll. I do this from time to time because I love encouraging and engaging with you. The poll was something like this Affirm \ Achoo - obviously, I wanted y’all to affirm the statement for your highest good, but I realize affirming words have to feel true to you. You can see the post right here.
The one affirmation that got the most engagement and made my heart skip a few beats was, “I am determined to heal and get well.” Regardless of your circumstances, many of you are leaning into a life of wellness and wholeness. On Saturdays at 11 AM during our Deep Stretch sessions, I’ve often said that although moving and breathing together is not a team sport; there is something bonding about healing together in a like-minded community. And even though we as a collective live here and there, and seeing each other in person is perhaps rare, I hope you find the evolution of Super Yoga Palace into The Jess Well a soft place to land. We are collectively a group of mostly women now in our 30’s - 40’s thinking about babies or making them; if you’re like me and got a head start, the nest is emptying, and there is a whole other chapter with feels that come with it. Wherever you find yourself, I want you to know you can find company, community, and some good old crunchy advice on holistic living and alternative healing from me right here.
I’d love to hear from you. You’re concerns, needs, and desires have always been mine too.
In fact, I have a recorded meditation to share just for the occasion.
Can I ask you a favor? Would you fill out a little survey for me to see how best to serve you in this next season of us? It will take just a second, and once filled, that said meditation will pop up in your inbox to have on-demand and enjoy wherever life may find you at this moment.
I’m excited to keep this conversation going for the next 12 years and beyond.
Love the life you choose.
Jessica
